Chapter 1 - The Early Years

Chapter 1

The Early Years

The earliest memories that I can recall of having same-sex attraction were during my school years, at the age of eleven or twelve years old, or maybe even younger. I was drawn and enticed into homosexual acts very subtly by boys my age, or boys a little older, or even younger than me; particularly one boy, for whom I had developed loving feelings. As the years passed by, this lifestyle remained a part of me with this young boy and me remaining very good friends, while maintaining a sexual relationship. It was hard for me, as I had a strong emotional attachment to him, in addition to him dating other guys.  During my teenage years, our friendship deteriorated and came to a screeching halt.

With the emotional stress of this relationship I began to consume alcohol, which in addition, made the situation worse than it already was. My abuse with alcohol became so bad until I would drink almost every night, and it was the first thing that I craved when I awakened in the morning. During those years I smoked cigarettes and cigars; and also snorted cocaine, which was not healthy at all. The effects of this lifestyle steeped in homosexuality and alcohol drove me to a point where I spiraled out of control and became emotionally unstable. It began to bring on anxiety-ridden attacks.  One of the attacks was so intense that my blood pressure catapulted to the point of me almost having a stroke. My two arms and half of my chest were numbed up, with the Government nurse having to give me two shots of Valium to calm me down. I was about nineteen years old at the time.

Seeking help from a psychiatrist, he prescribed some medication that would benefit me, and warned me not to drink any alcohol while taking it. I obeyed for awhile, but eventually started drinking again; and mixing medication with alcohol is a deadly combination. There were two incidents that happened as a result of this deadly mixture. The first one was with me on the north-side beach, waist-deep in the water at night, threatening to kill myself. Luckily my parents came and rescued me. I remember my father having to walk out in the water to come and get me. The second incident happened at a resort-marina, with the same thing occurring, and a friend having to come to my rescue.